Distance is terrible—even worse if the two of you were never actually together in the first place. So, stop being an idiot. Those endorphins will fade. Stop trying, stop wanting for something more. Don’t push your feelings onto someone that’s only available to talk when they’re bored. That person—yes, that one smiling in your head—knows what they want, and they’ll go after what they want as well. Take the hint and back off. You live more than ten thousand miles away. You can’t compete with someone that sits right beside them. You can’t compete with someone they do want to be with, so stop trying already. Stop fucking trying. Chased love isn’t love—it’s just unhealthy. And you need to stop planning future plans around someone who doesn’t plan you in theirs. You’re a friend—always have been—nothing more, everything less. Accept it, mope for a few nights, un-pause life.
Stop this now.
My brain knows these words, repeats them all the time. I hope my heart catches up one day.