Open Letter #18

I found this buried in one of my old papers, written during a morning whim after all those other miserable pages. It’s the promised uplifting post I said I’d do once the days were up.

Dear ——,

I feel good today.

Better than I have in months. I’m not quite sure why, and I don’t really care to find out either. But I feel motivated, I want to move, I want to breathe in deeply, and I actually want to talk to people. I don’t feel any drains on my sanity when I step through that front door, into the sunlight. And it is wonderful.

I don’t know how long this mood will last or if I’ve actually managed to trudge through that terrible phase—that came about for practically no reason whatsoever, honestly—but I’m definitely going to take advantage of it. This seems to be the high of my down swing, and I’m going to revel in it before it goes again. Such is life.

Those four words, however, needed to be said. I even wrote them down multiple times just so I could look at it when the euphoria fades. So, I could run to them, recall that time, appreciate them. And here I am saying them again. A reminder to myself that it’s easy to find reasons to laugh—and that it should never be so hard.

What we live through doesn’t make us strong. It certainly hasn’t done anything for me.

It’s the thought of those joyful moments that did—that still do.

—N. Rinth


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