Open Letter #19

Dear ——,

I can physically feel monotony—the way it settles, abrupt, coming from nowhere, always surprising. I try to change my routine, only to find myself staring numbly as the world passes me by. I go out, only to talk to no one and smile awkwardly at the sales people asking how I am. Do I look okay? If I do, then I’m glad. It was difficult to leave the house today.

The noises in my head are too loud to be drowned out by anything except that one song I can’t seem to stop listening to. Uplifting it may be, but it only drags me deeper into this hole I call my own. Where dullness and misery are my only companions. During the worst of these times, when I’m sitting before my dingy computer screen with a cup of coffee and too much to do, but not enough motivation to do—anything, I wish life would end begin again. I want to breathe, I miss the feeling of doing so. I miss the feeling of contentment, of satisfaction, of ease… of home.

It’s cold. So, so cold. But the heater’s on and it’s sunny outside, so I can only suppose that it must be my imagination playing tricks on me again. A very palpable trick. My blankets too far away though—two steps too far. Just out of reach. I wish I could stretch and never have to leave this room. I wish time would stand still for a day—let me catch up with the rest of the world.

And I have one more wish. A bit less selfish than the rest. Simpler, too. Once you receive this, please tell me everything’s alright. That you’re still there.

I know you are and I know it will be, but… I could really stand to hear it.

—N. Rinth

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2 thoughts on “Open Letter #19

  1. I like the title of your blog and also this section of open letters, inspires me to write a section similar in my own blog, but then again, for what reason I think should I do that, I am trying to make that particular blog all on one niche of “beads.” I might though, add a section similar to this and call it “open love letters straight from the heart.” You have inspired me to add a new section to my blog. Sometimes though those letters can get cruel and unkind, maybe I should add another section of Open Hate letters straight from the heart,” then I might get people telling me, You are not suppose to hate, he who hates another does not love God, so I don’t know what I will call my new inspired section. Thank you.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thank you for your kind words. I thought of the title whilst watching a few of Noel Gallagher’s interviews — I don’t quite know how it came to me, but it did, and I’m glad for it. I’m so happy I was able to inspire you to add a new section to your blog, I think its a wonderful idea! And I definitely understand what you mean, some of my letters here get really dreary depending on my mood. I think “hate” might be too strong a word to title it, perhaps something more like, “Letters From the Heart” (something general, so you could place all of your letters into one place, seeing as your blog is mostly focused on other things.)

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