Open Letter #21

Dear——,

You asked me once if I was alright—it’s such a simple question, yet back then, I wonder why I couldn’t give you a proper answer. No, I knew why. I didn’t want to bombard you with my problems. I’m not one to plant the seeds of needless drama around me. The world has enough of that. While it was an extremely kind gesture, I wonder if you really know how loaded that question is.

It implies trust and reliance and confidence in someone other than myself. It’s a fresh perspective into my problems, as well as a peek into my world. Perhaps I’m overthinking the entire thing—I’m certain you’ve forgotten all about the question already, but I haven’t. After reflecting on it, those simple words had me reeling, delving into emotions that both frighten and excite me.

I don’t want to scare you away with my thoughts, with the happenings unfolding around me. Neither do I want to answer something I know I’m not quite ready to. You deserve more than someone with their feet still shuffling by the door, ready to run the moment sparks happen and trust deepens. I hope you know that. I hope you understand why whenever you ask me that I can only smile tightly in response instead of assuring you with a forced out, great!

I don’t want to lie to you. Please don’t make me.

—N. Rinth

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