I’d been walking around, looking for something. I don’t quite know what, but by the time I actually stopped searching, night had arrived in earnest. True dark fell over me like a cloak to freeze my bones clean through. There were no people on this block. No soul but my own. It was odd—this solitary wild, where the evening chill continuously chased the hour. Bundles of gathered leaves and branches were haphazardly gathered on the far right side of the walkway. They were soggy; the leaves curled at the edges. If I didn’t already know that winter had gone, then I might’ve been fooled.
Lights from the houses that were lined up in neat rows around me all burnt out one-by-one, until all that remained was the streetlight standing sentinel thirty feet too far. That was okay though. I had a lighter and a hand to block the wind. A single flickering flame. Shakable, but familiar.
It was late now. Everybody had gone.
I thought that maybe it was time for me to go, too.
Happy Birthday! I’m sorry we’re slowly killing you with fireworks.
I’ve reached a brief lull in my busy schedule as a graduate student; it lasted just long enough for me to remember to make a post for this dusty blog of mine. I don’t get to write as much as I used to because of adult things that monopolize time as if other tasks don’t require it. Well, no, that statement is rather suspect in accuracy. I’ve written plenty over the last few months. But they’ve mostly been research articles, papers, academic manuscripts, and occassional fanfiction. For reasons beyond my own admittedly limited knowledge, I just don’t have it in me to write for my fantasy series.
I haven’t been good with posting or keeping up with those I follow here on wordpress either, but I’ve never been great at that to begin with, so I don’t think it’s fair for me to blame school and work completely… but I will do just that of course because this is one of the few times I’m allowed to blatantly skirt responsibility with little to no consequence. I’m starting my second semester soon and getting back into the life of a Teaching Assistant and a student researcher while I’m at it. Grad school is a grind, I
warn tell you. But it’s enjoyable in its own way. It keeps me busy, if nothing else.
My winter break was filled with days of absolutely nothing, which was downright glorious. It gave my mind much needed rest, even if it did make me feel horrendously unproductive. I gained some holiday weight that I’m sure will be burned off once I start the semester and skip meals in favor of books related to immigration policy and american gridlock… my life is so exciting, I know. It’s mine though, and I’m learning new things, which is considered a win in my books. (A small one, but a win nevertheless.) I’ve applied to several internship programs with government agencies for the summer. Hopefully I get into one. I hope to wrap up my education by the end of this year and get my big boy job.
In sum, my life is progressing even though I spend a good deal of it seated in a chair. I will surely fail to remember to post on this blog again for a while, but I do hope you folks stick around. My third book is finished and just waiting for me to edit it. I hope to publish it in the winter. As for my fourth and final book in the Heartstone series, well, it’s there. Terribly neglected. But I have three or four chapters done. It’s more than most people.
I’ll get around to finishing it. Eventually.
Until next time,
by: ALGERNON CHARLES SWINBURNE
Here, where the world is quiet;
Here, where all trouble seems
Dead winds’ and spent waves’ riot
In doubtful dreams of dreams;
I watch the green field growing
For reaping folk and sowing,
For harvest-time and mowing,
A sleepy world of streams.
I am tired of tears and laughter,
And men that laugh and weep;
Of what may come hereafter
For men that sow to reap:
Continue reading “The Garden of Proserpine”
I met one of the gods of nothing today.
The gods of nothing are the deities of the barely there things that you notice in a moment of distraction, then forget in favor of more riveting objects and agendas. A few examples are the errant strings on an old sweater, 12:02 p.m., a useless staple, and the lines on your spoon that appear once it’s been dipped in cold coffee for too long.
You can speak to them, and sometimes they’ll listen. They tend to ignore you though because they know you’ll forget. And just between us, I don’t think they believe in people all that much, since people don’t believe in them. That’s okay though. I don’t think they’d appreciate wavering faith.
The god I spoke to today was the god in charge of my front door. The path leading there was covered in enough sunshine to shock me, so I asked him if he could perhaps send a cloud to provide a little more shade, while I locked up. He obliged only because I think it annoyed him, too.
I said thank you before I left, even though I knew he wouldn’t respond. It’s important to be polite.
Unmoved, Untouched, Unglued
Alone at last
No thoughts, no mind to rot behind
A trail of disaster
I received a set of owl bookends today. I put them on a metal shelf that has no boards along the sides because the builders didn’t want to waste wood — possibly also because of style. I don’t know much about the art of furniture, but dark (preferably cherry-tinted) wood is expensive, while modern, minimalist designs aren’t, so I use them.
The owls don’t look particularly wise, but they do look as though they hold a lot of secrets, which might count as the same thing depending on your perspective. They bear the weight of all of the heavy hard covers that my other statues — the ravens, the phoenixes, and the krakens — can’t. When I’m seated off to the side, I can sometimes feel them sneaking glances at me. I wouldn’t be surprised if one of them suddenly chirped something unexpected.
“We will return these books to you for a modest fee.”
I can imagine their laughter. Hoots and all. I wonder if they laughed the same way during their bubble-wrapped journey to my house? Did they bother the delivery man? I sincerely hope not. He’s stressed enough as it is.
But if they could really talk, I feel as though all they’d do is criticize my taste in furniture (which I’d defend because I’m skint), complain about the constantly shifting temperature, and tell over-inflated stories interspersed with bad jokes. The last one is the worst for me. Because what if I begin to like them?
By: Cage the Elephant
I don’t think you understand!
There’s nowhere left to turn
Walls keep breaking
Time is like a leaf in the wind
Either it’s time well spent
Or time I’ve wasted
Don’t waste it
I’ve begun fussing over the bird statues in my house again because they turned dusty while I had my back turned. It’s likely because I stopped whispering my secrets to them. The neglect is evident.
They used to be vibrant, you know. All majestic and forever terrifying. Because they needed to protect those secrets, to warn others away in the most threatening stance they could muster, but now they’re only sad. It’s okay though. I’ll make them bird-like again.
They can hide my new secrets with the old ones. Place them as deep inside of their painted-resin bodies as they could go. Tuck them under the recesses between their wings and the purposeful curve of their beaks. Some might compile them into the stone books that their creator perched them over and etch them between the pages, so that no one but them could see.
Hoarded and treasured and safe.
And the world’s got me dizzy again,
You’d think after twenty-two years I’d be used to the spin,
-Conor Oberst, Land Locked Blues
I’m now officially 22 years old. I certainly don’t feel like it. When are people supposed to start feeling like an adult and not some teenage punk that goes to too many concerts and blasts hardcore punk at the wee hours of dawn? Asking for a friend. Because I don’t think she’s ready to give up her piercings or all of the dark clothes she wears. The tattoos are permanent, so there’s nothing to be done about those. I suppose I’ll have to stay a punk forever then, huh? Oh, if only. Someone find me Dorian Gray because I need the creature he sold his soul to pronto.
In other news, yes, my birthday does fall on 7/11. I also can’t believe it. It’s awful. They should offer me a freebie. A drink would be nice. Non-alcoholic is fine. I do enjoy feeling hydrated. (A lot of shocking revelations going on today, I know.)
Lollipops are cool, too. I like blue Gatorade. I don’t trust those conniving bastards that actually know the flavor names by the way. That’s all sorts of wrong.
I look forward to celebrating my Unbirthday tomorrow.
It’s 9 a.m., and I’ve just had another liberal helping of cake. It’s okay though because I haven’t slept yet, so the world isn’t technically new and ready to be reconquered by my boundless enthusiasm. The sun doesn’t do any wonders for those that haven’t rested.
Anyway, I came here to write about how astonishingly easy it is for a single thing to narrow my focus. Birds gather in my backyard every morning (for the nuts in the trees, the chilly lake water, and those seeds in the tiny house that I never clean because I didn’t want it there in the first place). They wear colorful, floofy coats. Sometimes they linger and sit together to enjoy a perfectly sunset-lit pool. The parliaments don’t come out until night with their new sounds and poofy wings — the true kings of the lake and the forest beyond.
Geese also occasionally pass through, especially during the summertime. They chase away everything. If an owl and a goose fought, who would emerge the winner? Owls are merciless predators built to hunt and kill… but geese are bastards with teeth on their tongues. Tough to say honestly.
I wonder if the smaller birds etch notes onto the trees to remind themselves of who they are (because it’s easy to forget) and what to do when the bigger, more terrifying birds come around. I’d like the ability to read them if they did. Maybe they have inside jokes.